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A recently published article of mine takes a light-hearted look at what turns a mild-mannered Lois Lane into a Choccie Monster.I've just discovered a New Zealand company which puts chocolate into funky and funny packaging. My personal favourite - packaged in a blue and white box that looks like prescription medicine – is called Bochox.
According to the consumer advice on the box it is, for relief from the symptoms of wrinkles and crow’s feet. The directions are as follows: Break off desired dose and consume. You should quickly be overcome by stress-relieving endorphins and no longer be concerned in the slightest about your wrinkles.
And just in case the recipient is having “one of those days”, where everything is upside down, including their ability to tell fact from fiction, the packaging instructs in capital letters: NOT TO BE TAKEN seriously.
If your chromosomes are all X then you totally get it. There are times in a woman’s life, when a block of chocolate is the only remedy.
While men have their own battles to fight - trying to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and all that jazz - women spend a large part of their lives battling against a force of evil stronger than any kryptonite. Fluctuating hormones.
For the supermen in our lives, I offer some scientific validation of the process that turns your Lois Lane into a Choccie Monster.
Normally, estrogen and serotonin work together in the body to regulate mood and cognitive abilities. When women are premenstrual or menopausal, their estrogen levels drop. With that action comes a corresponding reaction of a drop in brain serotonin levels. Serotonin is the neurotransmitter responsible for the feeling of happiness and well-being. Chocolate contains magnesium and tryptophan, ingredients which help the body manufacture serotonin.
But enough with the chemistry lesson.
As a community service for those with XY chromosomes, I will now offer step-by-step procedures on how to handle the Choccie Monster in your house. For despite the fact that you claim to possess the superpower of x-ray vision, there are some things you just don’t see, even when they’re right under your nose.
For example; you come home from work to discover your Lois Lane throwing pots and pans around the kitchen. In an attempt to break the ice, you ask a simple question.
“What's for dinner?”
May I suggest that to avoid inflaming the situation, a slightly safer question might be:
“Can I help you with dinner?”
If at this point a flying pot tries to test the theory of your physical durability, a more suitable question might be:
“Where would you like to go for dinner?”
If neither of these two questions have diffused the situation, there is only one remedy.
Put your faster-than-a-speeding-bullet-sneakers on and run to the nearest supermarket.
In the blink of an eye, you will be back in the kitchen saying: “Here, have some chocolate.”
True therapeutic benefits are not delivered with just any block of chocolate however. The higher the cocoa mass (the corresponding higher price tag will confirm which ones to buy!), the better it is. My personal preference is for a Swiss brand that rhymes with dint – which is what the saucepans get in them if I haven’t had the required dose.
© 2010 ps: If you like the concept of cheeky chocolate, the New Zealand chocolate company Bloomsbury even has a Christmas range which is very amusing too. As one of their blocks announces: Stuff the turkey, eat chocolate!
